So... more pedophilia...

So... thinking about this further...

Why is this a struggle for me?

Speaking personally, I think pedophilia might be a social necessity. After all, some significant fraction of the population engages in it, and apparently has, indefinitely into the past.

Of course, it's also true that another significant fraction of the population protests against it. But that is not very telling because every single aspect of society has people protesting against it, and people in all walks of society get killed for often the dumbest reasons.

But I have a problem with keeping secrets - I don't have social barriers where other people have them (and I do have them where other people do not have them). And I imagine a certain amount of awkwardness if I were to be engaging in sexual activities with kids.

Another thing is that I am not "sexually aggressive" for the most part. Curious, yes, and perhaps the subject of curiosity. But I also think way into the future, and I know that sexual experiences tend to create strong emotional bonds between people, and I would have trouble with the eventual "being upset" that would result when I focus my attention on someone else. (This, by the way, impacts all potential sexual partners - I don't want to deal with people I like being unhappy, so I mostly keep to myself.)

Of course, another issue is that kids mostly aren't interested in that kind of stuff.

And another issue is that adult males quite often stink, as perceived by kids at least.

Then again, that might relate to why it's something of a necessity, or something to be avoided.

Anyways... that'll be for other people to figure out - if we can ever stop banning the exchange of information on the subject. There's billions of people in the world and if statistics worldwide are anything like underage pregnancy statistics here in the states there are probably billions of people who have engaged in some significant form of child sexuality.

Or maybe that's a part of what makes the U.S.A. into what it is?

I guess I have a lot to learn...

Pedophiles... really? wtf?

This is a difficult subject to write about. And I mean that literally - as I write this, I almost want to vomit.

Why?

I have my theories about that, but they are not what I want to write about. And I need to get through this.

So... biblical support for pedophilia. It's in there.

Consider Solomon's "spare the rod, spoil the child". Traditionally (and this is mostly what I was taught and subject to), this is a somewhat violent definition of "rod", and not a sexual interpretation. But the reasoning? "It won't kill them."

That applies to the sexual interpretation as well as it applies to the violent interpretation.

Then again, Solomon was... let's call him a bit promiscuous. The way I was taught, promiscuity is a horrible evil, not permitted by the Bible. Besides, having 600 wives, like Solomon had would be illegal. Not to mention having even 1 concubine would not be permitted by the Bible.

Um... wait.

So, ok, let's try Jesus's "it would be better for a them to be thrown into the sea with a milestone around their neck than to cause one of these little ones to stumble".

There's a variety of ways of interpreting that. My current take is that if you'll wind up tearing yourself apart if you are close to a child and the child winds up hurting herself or himself. (Itself? Are there any good pronouns to use here?)

But I have to recognize both (a) that there are other ways of interpreting that, and (b) we have trouble being honest about these kinds of issues. Words are not adequate for expressing the relevant concepts.

After talking with my parents while trying to approach this subject: "I guess we do not talk about that kind of thing." and "There are some things people have to discover for themselves."

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So, enough of the religious (or maybe pseudo-religious) stuff, what about the practical side of things?

Well...

For one thing, child sexuality is very different from adult sexuality. If I understand it properly, children who get too much sexual exposure tend to not be interested in that kind of thing as an adult. (interesting problem here: what is "too much"? I should probably dig out the references I am hastily summarizing, also, because there could easily be subtleties I have overlooked.)

Also, some really incredible people are "child rape survivors". I'm not sure if I count as one of them, but consider (for example) Oprah Winfrey and Billie Holliday (and others whose names I am forgetting).

Of course, that might not be a cause effect thing. If we look at underage pregnancy statistics, we can see that the number of people who have been engaged in sexual activities before they are legally allowed to consent is some significant fraction of the country's population.

But that relates to another issue, which is overpopulation. Overpopulation eventually resolves itself, but with lots of issues which most people do not like to think about.

On the promising side, some of us are probably going into space.

On the negative side? A lot of us are going to suffer. Actually, all of us seem to suffer. Given how our nervous systems work (we are mostly wired to notice changes and to neglect steady state stimuli), some amount of suffering is guaranteed for everyone.

Meanwhile, getting out of the larger population issues, and into positive concepts of health: apparently something like a third of all children have bad genital hygiene that would perhaps best be described as "encrusted" [as reported by a pediatrician whose paper I remember reading maybe a decade ago, and I wish I had kept the reference].

We are seriously dysfunctional.

Oh, and internet means we're all getting connected, at least to some degree.

I guess we're all going to manage, to some degree. Or not.

Pedophile Priests

I have been thinking about pedophile priests, again.

I guess I think about that a lot. I'm not sure I have a problem with them, except for a certain (perhaps necessary) dishonesty.

I guess what I wonder is why anyone thinks that this is anything new. I remember reading a book from the 1600s which indicated that the early popes (maybe 12 centuries previous) were pedophiles, and known for that.

So I guess I am also wondering why no one is asking which "2%" of the priests are pedophiles. Or maybe people are, and the answers just get shushed.

We have all sorts of social mechanisms opposing pedophilia, and (speaking as someone who "lost" their "virginity" when they were a toddler), I find those social mechanism far more distressing than the actual physical act. And I am not saying that the physical act was pleasant - just that I have experienced far worse things.

Being spanked (something else I experienced a lot) was worse, in my experience.

Getting my hand caught in a car door? Worse.

Getting my knee bit by a bad-tempered dog? Worse.

Cutting my hand on glass? Worse.

I could go on...

And I guess a lot of people with christian (or non-christian) backgrounds must have had similar experiences, to myself.

But one thing I really have been thinking about, is the religious perspectives of people on both sides of the fence on this issue. And I guess I can see arguments (biblical and otherwise) in favor of both points of view.

(Yes, I am saying both that there are strong biblical arguments both in favor of pedophilia, and opposed to it. Also that I expect that there are far worse priests than the pedophiles - I expect that they are a minor problem in the larger scheme of things - pun intended.)

A very real problem, through all of this, is the inherent dishonesty people bring to bear on all subjects sexual.

And that might be unavoidable.

People are shy.

And, worse, our feelings fluctuate, quite strongly, when discussing matters related to sexuality. And there are "good" biological reasons for this.

For myself, I sometimes wish that I could have been more of a pedophile. And then I think that that was a really stupid thing to wish.

It's a dirty job. And I guess somebody's got to do it. But you all will have to just suffer because I'm not up to that particular job.

(Yeah, seriously: I feel sort of obligated to have pedophiliac feelings, but they evaporate really fast. Or that's how I accommodate my conflicting beliefs on this subject.)

Wait, you might be asking, why would anyone *want* to be pedophiliac?

Religious belief, my friend, mixed with practical observations.

But I can't do it myself. I just can't. Or, put differently: I do not really want to. But someone needs to, and society needs to somehow come to terms with this issue.

Then again, we have far worse problems which also need to be dealt with.

But I cannot help but think that this will be a part of it.

I feel like I ought to speak out on the issue of child pornography, and child abuse, though I am not completely sure what I should say.

It's an important issue, and it's not entirely negative (though I suspect it is at the heart of much violence, and quite a bit of society's structure).

So, where to start:

Like many Christian children, I "lost" my "virginity" at age 3. And, to my knowledge, in a fashion which was perfectly legal (just another kid, albeit an older one). Furthermore, my parents asked me to respect this guy and what he asked of me. (Through trickery, mostly, but nevertheless, When you are three, and you are in my situation, you test the boundaries lightly and then go with what you are told.)

So, I have been very interested in this subject, and not opposed to it.

Also, I believe I have a genetic high tolerance to pain. So my observations about my own experience might not be relevant to other people.

And for the most part, I had a idyllic upbringing - both of my parents had educational backgrounds, and did their best to make sure I was inquisitive and thought for myself. Not perfect, by any means, but what is?

That said, I was also subject to a fairly significant number of spankings, which in my opinion were worse than being "butt fucked" at three years old. And I also had various painful experiences just interacting with the world, which were even more painful than those spankings.

I like to try and keep things in proportion.

So... pedophilia - apparently it really angers some people.

My belief is that the people it most intensely angers are pedophiliacs, who are so scared that they will be revealed that they overreact, to hide their guilt.

More than that, I believe that pedophilia is embedded in the structure of our society. I see too much evidence of that to believe otherwise.

I am not going to go into everything I have observed, nor concluded, but I will make note of a couple issues:

(1) Children subject to rape tend to become very protective,

(2) Religion, lots of it, can be interpreted to support pedophilia, but also can be interpreted to say no such thing,

(3) Overpopulation, it's a thing, and we can observe what happens with various other species and their sexualty under crowded conditions,

(4) In my case, the emotional stress of dealing with the social aspects of sexuality as a child (from people "protecting me from sex") was much worse [in my opinion] than the physical aspects

My hunch is that if you want to understand society, war, suicide, and especially religious war, you need to understand pedophilia, and you need to understand that while it is sometimes quite negative it also has positive aspects. There's two sides to this coin, and you can't understand the one if you do not understand the other.

But it's a taboo subject, and you'll have a hell of a time getting accurate information.

People get very... protective... on this subject. And many people have died, and many more will die, because of strong feelings about children and sex.

People are insane.