Er...

This is the internet, where we can see many things, and yet each of us has our own view on things.

In my case, I am struggling with my sexuality, and how it has intertwined with others. I am convinced that society is offtrack, and that many people would disagree with me.

And I've struggled to put these ideas into words - words are inherently limiting and routinely carry implications which are different from what I want them to say. But nothing is perfect.

So here's one snapshot on my life:

I "lost my virginity" when I was three. As a result, I have an intense interest in issues of child sexuality. And, I am now an adult, which means this interest is "creepy". So I feel I need to outline, in some broad brush strokes, some of my view on this issue and what it means.

First, in my country (the USA), the predominantly expressed view of child sexuality seems to be one which has its roots in the history of the Catholic Church. "Sexuality is sinful." People get really upset and contemptuous while talking about this issue. And yet, historical records and recent news show that Popes and priests are pedophiles, often enough. So what is going on here?

I know I have felt a strong urge to live a reclusive existence, and I am not even Catholic. So I wonder if there's some deeper issue here.

I've noticed that other people who have admitted to early child sexual experiences have tended to be smarter than average, and quieter than average. And I'm also wondering if that kind of issue has had anything to do with the evolution of how society treats this kind of issue.

I see from various statistics and I understand from hints and rumors that many younger children (millions) have sexual experiences that generally are not talked about.

And I know from my own past that the way people react was far. far more disturbing than the experience itself.

There's more, much more, that I have to say. But I'll just note one other thing, right now:

What happened to me was legal, and there are a variety of loopholes in the law that make some amount of child sexual contact with older people legal (I've spent a lot of time reading legal code and what people have written about it). But legality doesn't mean a lot when people are upset. And people get incredibly upset about sexual issues.

Meanwhile, there are things which the law prohibits which probably ought not be prohibited.

Does it sound like I am in favor of adult/child sexual relations? 

I am and I am not. My feelings and reasoning about this issue are far too complex for me to say that I approve of how the issue gets handled. But at the same time, I see mechanisms which pretty much guarantee that we (as society) are going to overreact and make things worse when we should be making them better.

This is not an easy issue to talk about. And the reflexive cruelty and hate we bring to discussions about sexuality and